8.45am, morning. Last night has been a released. I burst out in the midst of Prayer Meeting. Lee Lian shared on certain prayer items- Loving God, Loving People, about our theme for this year 2006- indeed God is doing something in regards to the theme. Very difficult to love people, with our own strength, with our own flesh. Personally my heart has been harden to love. We gather in group of 4. Pr. Mei prayed on love. The word strike my heart so strongly, it's my turn to pray. I prayed: Oh Lord teach us to love others- not with our strength, but channeling from above. But first of all, help us to love You "First". Without love- it's all meaningless, whtever we profess to do in Your Name...how can we serve You when we don't love.
Ro 12: 9 said
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. (NKJV)
I can't contained the tears but just break down. I wonder why I can so easily cry. How have I love God when I'm in conflict with His people, with my own fella-bro and sister in Christ. I realise deep in my heart there're so much of hurts and unforgiveness that really really need to dealth with. Or else- the result I'll be distant from others, I'll end up keeping myself close in order not to be hurt. Checking my heart, I asked the Lord to restore the live in my heart.
Pr. Mei spend time with me- her advice is true. I got to slowly release, and it's okie to release. No problem with crying, but the crying should be the yeilding to the Lord, to Him, and not of going down the pit of depression. The bursting of the heart burden to be with Him, and that's it. Not to take it back again. I got to deal with the unforgiveness, and to confront in love, to speak the truth in love as the Bible said. Or esle I will distant. But how? Pray! Pray! Come to Him with broken Spirit and Contrite heart. Ask the Lord for a tender heart, heart of flesh to love again, to care again.
Oh Father, forgive me for the reaction, that's fleshly. You know my heart Lord, You know my sitting down and my rising up, You are familiar with all my ways. Even before any words from my mouth, You already knew it. Search my heart Lord- if there's any offensive ways in me, any wicked ways in me. Lead me in the way everlasting. Lead me Lord, lead me I pray!
